Divorce

Oh how sad divorce makes me! My extended family on my mother's side all have pretty unfortunate issues with their spouses. Some of them even have divorced.  I just can't imagine having children and having issues with a marriage leading to divorce.  I DO not want that! Especially when there are ways to fix marriages.  There are so many things you can do to help your marriage, such as marriage and family therapy.  Ugh, just seeing how divorce affects families and children breaks my heart. I pray that I never go through that with my own family.  It's insane the number of families that, if I remember correctly, have broken or step families. 65% of families!!! That is closer to 100% than 0%! With odds like that it does make me more aware of who I am dating and who I want to marry. I want my marriage to last forever! No divorce!

Parenting

I've always wanted to be a mother. I still want that role more than anything. However, the more and more I learn about parenting, the more I realize just how difficult it is going to be. Something that stood out to me this week was really everyone's personal stories about their family life.  I noticed that a large amount of my peers have come from broken homes and divorced families.  This brought discussions about the roles of both parents in the home.  I am blessed to come from a family where I still have both of my parents and they both have an active role in me and my siblings lives.  I guess one thing that I learned this week that I will keep with me forever is the influence of parents on their children.  It motivated me to find someone I want to be with forever so we can both be their for our children. 

Fathers and Finances

This week we discussed about dual income families.  I'm always interested in learning about this because my mother didn't work.  My mom was always home. We could count on her for anything.  She was home when we got home, which after listening to this week's discussion was a huge blessing in my life.  I had a mommy while I was growing up that could be there for me.  This kept me safe from harm and it kept me out of trouble.  My mother expected us home right after school and if we were going to be late we always had to tell her exactly where we were going to be.  I look at kids that don't have a mom at home and they do live  a little more unstable life which is so sad. So I'm so grateful I was blessed with the fact that my mom could stay at home for us.  One of the financial topics we discussed was the importance of an honest tithe. This hit home for me because my parents taught me ever since I was little to pay a full tithe.This has helped me to be more honest with my other finances outside of tithing. I'm going to teach the concept of tithing early to my children because it has helped me be able to pay my tithing more willingly as I've grown older.

Communication/Problem Solving

This week in class we discussed  importance of family councils.  This really struck me because I grew up in a family that didn't really have family council. Okay we never have family council. This is definitely something that I can't wait to have in my future home with my future husband and children.  I want to include my children in our decisions.  This past week I've looked back on how our family decisions are made and it made me really sad a frustrated that us kids weren't involved at all in decisions. It made me angry. And that made me mad that I was angry about that.  I just think our family life would've been so much more close and enjoyable as we went through the trials we faced.  It impressed me to read about how the quorum of the 12 conduct their councils.  It was so organized and it was amazing how they listened to the Spirit. I think this is also a very effective way to discuss problems in our own homes.  If we can follow the Spirit in family matters, our homes will be a heaven on earth and we can progress towards perfection as the Proclamation to the Family states.

The Family Under Stress

This week we've discussed different stressors in the family.  I think the biggest thing that I've realized this week is about family crisis.  One thing that is important to remember is that families are all different. What's even more different are individuals in families.  We all handle family crisis in different ways. Every family is different in even constituting what is a family crisis.  For example: a fire may be completely devastating and life changing to one family compared to another family who would just find it as a mere hard time that they could get through together.  I think one big factor is the closeness of the family. If the individuals know how to work together to improve their situation-it brings them even closer and it makes them stronger.  If the family doesn't know how to work together during the hard times it makes for even more difficult times.  I think that's what is so hard on people when they first get married.  The couple usually have only known each other during the good and exciting times. When they get into the beginning stages of marriage they don't know how each other will react to different stressors.  I think a way to deal with family stress is to just get a general feel of how everyone handles the hard times. And then from there to learn and grow to deal with the next family stressor.

Sexual Intamacy

I was unable to be to class on Friday and I heard that we discussed how to teach children about sex. I'm disappointed I couldn't be there! I've always wanted to know the secret! I really appreciated the way sex was discussed in this class.  I appreciated that the Spirit was present and that we could discuss it as adults.  When I was younger my mom explained to me about all the changes that both boys and girls experienced during puberty, but I can honestly never remember her actually sitting me down and talking to me about sex.  I know she told me never to be afraid or embarrassed to ask her any questions, but I frankly couldn't ever think of how to ask the questions without feeling stupid or disgusted.  I'm grateful I had girlfriends I could talk to (maybe a little more information was shared than should've been.) But that's how I learned.  I'm grateful to belong to a church where we believe in the Law of Chastity.  I'm so grateful I covenanted to keep myself clean until I could share this sacred experience with my husband.  I'm so grateful that I will be able to have sacred experience because I have kept myself morally clean.  I was also grateful for the fact that we talked about sexual intimacy being a sacrament.  What a beautiful word to describe sexual intimacy between a husband and wife. 

Transitions in Marriage

I think the most surprising element in discussion is how difficult marriage really is.  You don't really hear to many horror stories in our little bubble here on campus.  However, I took a marriage preparation class last semester and our professor told us that there was a survey given on campus asking married students how satisfied they were in their marriages.  Most people said they were miserable, or their marriages were barely bearable.  How sad!! I immediately wanted to know how to avoid this. My professor told us that we had to be prepared to accept the fact that marriage is hard for at least the first year, we also touched on that in Brother William's class.  Many people get caught up in the fact that they want a wedding, not a marriage.  We also don't really get to discussing what is going to happen once we're married.  In this case, we kind of just go with the flow and ignore the red flags that we should be addressing, such as finances and other mountains couples climb in their marriages.  In other cases, some people have their first baby in early stages of marriage and the woman goes through a significant change.  This often times leads to baby blues.  If the husband can't provide emotional comfort during this time, often they couple draws apart rather than growing closer together in the joy of their child.  There are many obstacles that need to be dealt with in marriages and it's important that we learn how before stepping into an eternal relationship so we can have the most fulfilling experience.

Preparing for Marriage

I think the most significant thing I learned in class this week was Brother Williams depiction of the RAM model.  The RAM model consists of know, trust, rely, commit, and touch. This model is so important to look back on as you're dating and courting, finding a future spouse.  When we can know someone a little more than we trust them, trust them a little more than we rely on them, learn to rely on them a little more than committing, and committing more than touch. You have a pretty well balanced relationship.  I know for me this model hit home because I dated a guy where touch was boosted WAY up above even know. I thought that this was the perfect relationship and we were so perfect for each other, but in reality, I didn't even know this guy past...well everything seemed to be physical in the relationship.  It didn't feel that way at the time, but looking back I wish I would've seen that sooner.  Now I know what to look for in my future relationships.

Gender Roles/Same-sex Attraction

This week in class we discussed different gender roles in families and how they impact them.  But what really hit me, what really impressed me was same-sex attraction.  I'm one that strays away from that topic real quickly.  It makes me uncomfortable.  It makes me feel sick. I never know what to do or say to people that are in that boat.  But the preparation for Friday's class really helped me see how homosexuals might become homosexuals.

We watched an interview of our Family Relations Professor, Professor Williams.  In this interview he talked through a few different ways, psychosocial ways, that people might come to the conclusion that they are gay/lesbian.  One way in particular stood out to me. He used the example of men becoming gay.  Their whole lives they might feel a little different than the rest of the boys, so they naturally become closer to girls.  This eliminates the sense of mystery and attraction in the opposite sex. Because of this, they become interested in boys, it doesn't start as anything sexual, but strictly intimacy.  They want to know what it's like to be one of the boys, so they ultimately believe they're gay.  I thought that was very interesting. 

A thought came up in Friday's class discussion that girls who have distant fathers, find attention from other men, usually not the best men either.  But anyway, she said, "I don't see how it's any different for a young man whose father is distant, they yearn for that male attention, so they'll seek it."  I've never thought of homosexuality in these terms until now.  It's really opened my mind and my heart to people that suffer through this.

One more thing to close, in the interview we watched they said that for every gay couple there are two women who don't get the opportunity to marry and have children.  They proceeded to say what a powerful move of the adversary.  Satan is always trying to ultimately ruin families, because the family is central to the Creator's plan.  I wonder what would happen if more people heard of this approach as to why gay/lesbian couples feel the way they do.

Social Class

One of the things we covered this week that stood out to me was Social Class.  It was interesting to see the sad correlation between social class and the way people saw themselves.  Social class seems to be the key to feeling entitled or feeling worthless.  I didn't catch which general authority's talk Brother Williams showed us but I really enjoyed the message that was portrayed through it: It doesn't matter what you look like or how wealthy you are-we are all on this earth ot be tested.  Those poor-have a lack of self esteem-whereas the wealthy have a sense of pride.  Both of these are unfortunate spiritual diseases.  Who is to say which one is more favored? 

This ties into the second topic that stood out was culture and families.  I've always thought the differences between cultures and how families interact with each other.  I think that's one of the most beautiful things about this world- the different cultures.  I really liked looking into the actual meaning of culture. There is so much encompassed in the word.  Beliefs and values, the norms, customs, traditions and behaviors.  All of those things make a family what they are! What a beautiful thing to have so many different families and cultured represented in our world.

Family Dynamics

This week in class we talked about the basic family systems and how families work.  We learned how to map our own families.  This activity made me recognize how my family works.  I'm living at home this semester so I could observe my family more closely. I'm still not really sure how all the boundaries work and exactly all the terms, but I'm looking forward to learning more about it. We have the opportunity of doing a family systems project or a genogram this semester so I'm looking forward to that.

Why I'm Here

Hello Blogging world,
As mentioned above, I am a Brigham Young University-Idaho student.  I am currently enrolled in a Family Relations class where I will be expected to post in this blog ideas and feelings about class discussions.  I hope this is a positive experience and I look forward to hearing from many walks of life as I post my opinions of the class material.

Thanks for reading! And I hope to see comments!
Kiah Kidd